# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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