you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
