ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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