oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
