When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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