It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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