i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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