so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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