Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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