We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
