your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
