I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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