I just made out with a guy for $7.
...so i touched it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
