He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
