I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
