Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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