I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
