OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
