babies were throwing up all over the place
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
