They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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