Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
there is glitter all over my balls
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
