Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
