This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
