I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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