Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
People in love make me want to vomit
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
