a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have aggressive nipples.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
