i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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