I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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