Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
