Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
