I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
