i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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