I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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