if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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