I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am one with the molecules
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
