I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
