when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
