I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
