Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ambien. No doubt about it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
