Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
