I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
