i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
