i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
