chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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