He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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