Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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