Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
