she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
