I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
