I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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