dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
