Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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