Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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