Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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