he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
