How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize