Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
