Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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