He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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