i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
