So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
