So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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