just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
