Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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