last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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