this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
