Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
