We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
