No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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